Sex Advice by Crystal
free and engaging sex advice... only for adults over 18 years of age.

She Blows My Mind...But I Can't Blow My Load

Wednesday, 9 July 2008 22:16 by Admin

Hi Crystal,
Interesting blog you have, I commend you for your abilities and knowledge.
So, here is my situation. I have been dating a woman for 7 months now. Our sex life is awesome to say the least. We are very good chemistry wise when it comes to intercourse and me giving her cunnilingus. It is when she gives back orally that I am having a problem with. In the course of our relationship she has managed to make me cum orally only once. There have been several times where she has gotten me to the point of rolling my eyes back into my skull but to no avail I could not release even though it seem I was over and over again. I know she is on occasion disappointed that for what ever reason I can’t because the look in her eyes. Though she never says a thing and throws her ass in the air enticing me to finish I know she wants to bring me over the top orally. I am not a big fan of ball play, occasionally it is okay but it doesn’t do the trick either. Any help is appreciated.

Retta

Hi There Retta!

Thanks so much for the compliment, you have no idea what it means to me.  I totally sympathize with you in your case.  I was in a relationship like that for 6 years.  I am going to do my best to help you but you have to take into consideration that there is probably a barrage of questions I would ask if we were having a conversation in real time.  But I am going to bring up two ideas that immediately came to mind as I was reading your email.  The very first thing was - mental block.  Are you somehow inhibited, in your mind, from wanting to have an orgasm?  I know it sounds nuts but it could be the simplest thing like you are insecure of your penis, the size, color, smell, taste.  Or maybe one time a thousand years ago on a date she told you she doesn't like to swallow so every time you get close your subconscious gives you a guilt trip and you stop yourself.  Have you ever had problems with anyone else?  It doesn't sound like it.  Maybe one of the very first times she ever tried to make you orgasm from fellatio she mentioned something like "gosh it's taking a long time" or "I'm getting tired" so now every time she goes down on you, you are doing the "oh god please hurry up and cum, oh god please hurry up and cum" thing that so many of us do and it's just fucks everything up for us anyway.  You have to tell me more, please.  The other thing I think that I know has happened to me (just like the above scenario) is that the person giving doesn't exactly know what you like or even how to do it right and so they do the same thing over and over and over and over, and it isn't really enough stimulation to get your over that hump, passed the point of no return.  Istead, their repetitive movements in a way, desensitizes your penis and so you never can get there.  I know for sure I've had that done to me, I've even done it to myself.  Or maybe she is doing the same thing over and over and just as you are peaking, she needs a break, so she stops the rhythm and there you go, you are back to square one, which means she is back to square one, which equals everyone being frustrated.  Oh Retta, I feel for you.  I had a man once tell me with his head still between my legs, "You take too long" and from that day on every time he would make his way down there, my eyes would be glued to my digital alarm clock trying to time when I should tell him to just come back up, that it wasn't going to happen today.  Please don't let this happen to you.  Please help me help you figure out what is going on.  Email me again or post comments to this post so I can get more info from you.  Thanks so much for sharing with me.

 -Crystal

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July 10. 2008 13:02

Retta

Crystal,
Wow! Thank you so much for the response. When I was writing I was half embarrassed, and half nervous for never really sending off such a plea for advice before concerning sex. I had a suspicion that what I sent was too short and not enough detail to actually get my situation down right. So, as you requested so eloquently, here is more information.
Before this woman I have never been with a girl who A. enjoys giving as much as she does receiving and B. wanted me to cum in her mouth. As I stated in my first e-mail, our sexual chemistry is out of this world as well as our openness to each other about what we like, dislike, pushes our buttons, gets us off and so forth. It is for all tense and purposes all there… except for my problem.
I do think at times it is a mental block of some sort because as you pointed out most of the previous woman I have been with, (ex-wife, past girlfriends) never was interested in fellatio. Sure, I would at times get the occasional token blow job, but that was about it. I also think it is a mental situation where like you said, I know she wants me to release in her mouth and so the pressure is on and that is what I think about even though I try not to. I don’t ever recall her voicing a statement that it is taking too long during the act. Sure we have discussed it just like we discuss many aspects of our sex but it has always been more of a productive conversation between the both of us discussing what we liked about so and so, or what didn’t work, or what we could change with something that didn’t seem to work that time.
This is what I or should I say we, because we have discussed this together, don’t understand. She was able to do it once but we have never been able to reproduce the same results. Let me emphasize so you can clearly understand. There are several occasions where it actually feels like I am blowing my load. When I stated previously that my eyes felt like they were rolling back into my skull that was how awesome it felt. Yet when she stops, me feeling like I had released she would inform me that I didn’t and I am left for a brief moment dumbfounded. She says there are such things as dry ejaculations, but she doesn’t think that is it for the simple fact that she knows when I actually ejaculate by my physical change both in twitching/pulsating of my penis and my breath or shortness of it.
As far as insecurity wise of my penis possibly being the problem, I would have to say no. While I am average in length and girth I know for a fact it gets the job done especially with her. I know, that really sounded conceded but it is the truth. I have had girls before who faked orgasms with me and this girl can’t do that. She is a squirter so it is really hard to fake that. You also asked if I have ever had any problems like this before with other woman and the answer is again no. She is the very first woman to ever bring me over the top with fallatio, even if it has been just once and that is what is frustrating to both of us. She did it once but for what ever reason hasn’t been able to do it again.
Your point about desensitization may also be a valid point, yet I have to go back to the times it felt like I was even though I wasn’t. She changes her methods during her giving me fellatio and yes at times she does it at a time where I feel I am almost there or she stops to give her self a rest and uses her hands to keep me stimulated. But then there are other times like I stated where I feel as if that is all I am doing is cuming but she doesn’t stop because I haven’t.
I hope this either brings out more questions and or gives you a better insight to draw other conclusions to help.



Retta

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