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Hi Crystal,

     This might be more of a rhetorical question, or maybe just my angry ranting...but what's up with guys wanting to try to bone while they are drunk!  Is it just me or do guys get shit-faced, turn super romantic, slobber all over you, and then try to shove their limp dick in you?!?!  Don't they get embarrassed?  I hope there are enough male readers on your page for me to atleast make a 1% dent in the population to help guys understand that them fumbling around our hot vag with their clammy dicks ISN'T HOT!  I met this really hot guy on myspace a few weeks ago...we are both busy and I'm sure have more than one thing on our plate, but we finally met up.  He came ovver about a week ago, alcohol on his breath, came in my condo, picked me up on threw me on my bed like a ragdoll.  At first I was like "wow this is hot!"  But then his tongue was all swollen with alcohol, he was sloppy, salivating, shoving his tongue here and there.  We rolled around, got hot and bothered, and he began trying to shove his semi-hard dick in me.  I was wet, you would think that would have helped, but it made me feel dumb for him!  We got it in but he kept kinda loosing his hard on.  It took forever for him to finally come and it's not like I was really gonna try to concentrate and try to come knowing he might lose his erection at any minute.  But what really got me was we ran into each other at In-N-Out last night and he was drunk again!  This time worse.  He talked me into locking ourselves in the men's restroom with him and figured we'd just make out or whatever.  But before I know it, he's shoving me face-first into the wall, trying to shove his soft cock in my pussy.  It was like he was stuffing cheese into a manacotti shell.  Hello!  Wasn't it Richard Pryor that said "You can't shoot pool with a rope!"  This time he wasn't even a quarter successful.  People were knocking, I was getting impatient trying to talk him out of it without hurting his feelings.  What is it about guys getting drunk and wanting to fuck?!?!?  Is it because they are inhibitionless and brave?  Their insecurities hidden by alcohol.  Eerrgghh.  Just fuck me once sober!

From the girl in the In-N-Out Restroom

Hi there In-N-Out girl!

     Well, you left me with very little to say.   Looks like you know exactly why guys do it.  I think it's an age old testament that guys are way braver when they are inebriated.  The alcohol also brings out their machismo.  They feel like casanova, only someone forgot to tell their dicks that detail.  I think most women have been in a situation where we've desperately wanted to tell a guy, "Hey, how about we sit out this inning..." but have been to afraid to hurt their feelings.  Aren't we so nice?  So we lay there, staring at the ceiling, thinking about picking up the clothes from the cleaners and whether or not Lime Away or CLR works better on hard water build up, while they push, shove, smear, stuff their soft cocks into our now drying up pussies.  Oh dear...what do I say?  Let's just hope our male readers will take this to heart and switch to water at least an hour before they leave the club and "take us home".  A drink or two can actually help get an erection but it sounds like your guy is going way overboard.  That is dangerous in more than one way.  Hopefully his lack of inhibitions isn't leading to a lack of wearing a condom.  Be careful and maybe you need to decide if you care enough about him to ask him to not drink when he's going to see you...and if you don't, then maybe it's time to lose his number.  Good luck and keep me posted!

Dear Sex Advice,   

   I've been with my boyfriend for two years.  I'm in my early 20's and he's in his late 40's.  Yes, I know, big age difference.  So who cares?  My concern is that since the day we first had sex until today, he loses his hard on inside me.  When we start our sex play he gets hard, that part works fine.  But he can't maintain it.  Well, I should say that, sometimes he can, but when he wants to cum he has to pull it out (of my mouth/ass/pussy) and jack off.  And when he does I can tell he's kinda semi you know?  There have been maybe 4 times total that he has been able to finish in me.  I really don't think it's age because he isn't the oldest guy I've been with.  I've heard a lot about cock rings and he is really REALLY open to sex toys, but how come he's never purchased one himself?  We have never really talked about his maintaining problem but I know we both are aware of it, I mean HELLO!  But since it's the one thing we've never really talked about I'd feel weird just showing up with a cock ring for him.  Either way, I will stay with him, sex is great, fantastic even.  He's one crazy dude, but there are days when my self esteem isn't soaring that I still feel like if only I was hotter, or if I was only doing something that felt better, maybe he could cum in me.  Do you have any words of wisdom?

 Hanging Out with Mr. 50/50 Bar, Van Nuys, CA 

Hello Mrs. 50/50 Bar,

     Great question, it's not you.  Let me just say that over and over.  There are a number of reasons he could be going limp, you know, all the medical stuff...smoking, alcohol, diabetes, vascular problems.  So on and so forth.  But I think if you wanted medical help you would have just googled impotence.  It's hard to get someone to go to a doctor if they can't even talk to you about their problem.  I feel for you, it's kind of uncomfortable.  But being that he is with a woman who says, "who cares, I love him anyway" is great.  And how luck he is to be with a 20-something!  So you are here for a reason.  You want a homemade, sexy cure for your man's noodle.  He sounds like a fun and kinky guy, so I would tell him something to the effect of "you would look really sexy in one of those cock rings with all the studs and spikes on it..."  Or if that is too far fetched you could say, "Baby let's try one of those cock rings that has a clit stimulator on it and see how many times I can cum!"  Or maybe the next time you guys are in a sex shop together just pick out a plain old metal one and tell him you think his cock and balls would look sexy in one.  That they are manly and they turn you on.  Those will definitely help because you said he can definitely GET hard, just not STAY hard.  Cock rings trap the blood inside the penis once it's already there.  Make sure you get the right size too, a ring that is too small won't let any of the blood that it has trapped in, back out.  And although a hard on for hours on end sounds like fun initally, it will definitely end in an embarrassing trip to the emergency room.  At some point a trip to the doctor will come up, give it time, until then there are a plethora of erection aids to try.  It will give you guys all kinds of excuses to make new toy purchases.  Have fun and keep me posted!  Hope this helped.